Local resident [insert name] was inconvenienced yesterday when the President of the United States visited the city for a [pick one: vacation/fundraiser/official event]. Traffic was [pick one: congested/gridlocked/detoured]. Local resident [insert name]'s [pick one: wedding/birthday/bar mitzvah] had to be [pick one: moved/delayed/rescheduled/canceled]. Said another local resident [insert name], who may or may not have had anything to do with the affected event, "This just goes to show that the President is [pick one: insensitive/incompetent/a Kenyan Muslim socialist atheist]".
[Note to editors: There, I just wrote the template for your go-to story whenever the President leaves the White House on an otherwise slow news day. You're welcome.]
[Note to readers: You don't need a template to take to Facebook/Twitter to vent about the President. You're very good at doing that on your own. Don't count to ten. Don't think it over. Don't sleep on it. Just log onto Facebook now, now, now, and post away. Your Facebook friends will thank you for it. Trust me.]